Finally back...

So I'm finally back after almost 2 months of being away. A lot has happened to my family. We've had mom get cancer, have a mastectomy, and currently she's going through Chemo. She's just lost her hair and she's wearing an awesome, cute wig. I can't even fathom the emotions and pain that she's going through and I feel almost hopeless cause this time I can't do anything to make her feel better. Except, of course, being there for her and helping her out is something I can do, but it seems kind of small and almost not important.

Other than mom, nothing much else is happening. Of course I'm going through emotional stuff because of this situation. But for some odd reason I can't really allow myself to feel much of the emotions. I'm a person who doesn't let out emotions much and at this moment it's to my advantage, since I want to stay strong for my mom.
But I can tell my mom is getting a little bit annoyed with how I'm focusing on her and not on myself... I would like to take care of myself more, but I just don't want to be rushing around everywhere on top of the treatments and appointments for my mom. Oh well, I guess nothing can be done at this time...

I just wish this whole cancer thing would be done with and we can go back to a semi-normal life. But when I think about that, our life has never been normal and is always filled with new things that make life just a touch more crappy, with happy parts in between. :-(

Cancer...

I found out yesterday (10/29/10) that my mom has Breast Cancer. This is really hard and it will be a long process to go through. On Monday we find out how far it's spread, which is how they know what Stage it is. I'm hoping that we caught it early.
My aunt is a Breast Cancer survivor, so I hope my mom can beat this.

Memories...

It's interesting how memories are attached to all the senses. You touch something and it reminds you of your childhood. You eat animal crackers and it remembers how you've eaten them for years. You smell something and it reminds you of daycare as a kid. You see a picture and it reminds you of how much fun you had in high school. Finally, you hear someone's voice and remember all that you've done together.

It's amazing how memories are attached to pretty much everything, except for your new experiences. The brain is such an interesting thing. I can't believe we only use a small portion of it. Imagine if we used most of our brains. What would life be like?

Again...

I'm a bad blogger again.. lol.

I just don't know what to write about. It seems like my life isn't as interesting as others. Who knows if anyone even reads this thing.

Well things have been going ok. Work and school pretty much rule my life, as usual.

I'm getting more excited as time passes. My two cousins are have babies! They're both having boys, so it's going to be really fun. One is due in a couple days and the other one is due, I believe, in November/early December. Let me just say that I'm taking the Auntie Leah thing seriously and I will be babysitting and buying them toys/gifts for a long time. It's going to be fun and I'm going to love it.

On that note, I will end with a picture that I gave my cousin, who is due in Nov./early Dec. I gave it to her during her baby shower. I said, "This is what you'll be seeing soon." Enjoy everyone!

Food

Although we need food to survive, I believe that it also become an enemy. We associate food as an important means of staying alive, but a lot of us associate it with comfort, love, and sometimes acceptance. We eat food when we are depressed, sad, etc. This leads to eating food when we don't need it and people over-eating. I admit that I do this and it's not good. But I think it's sad that some people use food to make themselves feel better, to the point where they eat so much it affects their overall health. I wonder if we lived in a happier world, would people over-eat less?


P.S.- again I tried to send this post to blogger via text message and it sperated it into 4 different posts. I officially won't use the messaging ever again!!!!

Sites....

Do you find that you have signed up and use so many websites that you can't keep track of your log-in information? Do you find that you are a member of a couple different sites where you write about yourself, that you find that you're posting some of the same stuff to each website?

I find that I'm kind of doing this with my blog here and another forum site where I have a journal. I try to keep them separate, but sometimes you just can't think up different posts when nothing is going on with you.

How about you? Do you do this?

I'm bad...

Well I'm pretty bad at this blog stuff. I haven't written a post in so long. Sometimes I don't know what to write about, so I don't even try to write a post. lol.

I saw an interesting documentary last night that I checked out from the library. It was called Disconnected and it was filmed/made by MN students from Carleton College. Pretty much it's about 3 college students who go without a computer for 3-5 weeks. I found it so interesting that they didn't think they could do it. I guess its hard for a college student, since everything is computerized now, but I don't think its a hard challenge.

It may be because of how I grew up. We've had a computer in our lives, but never hooked up to the internet. I've also gone up north to my grandparent's cabin, where it would be so bad for most people. We have electricity and we do have satellite t.v., but we have no running water. We pump all the water we consume from an old well and we use an outhouse for the bathroom. If you need a shower, you're out of luck. You either need to do a sponge bath or take a bath in the lake. Most people would find this impossible to deal with, but I like it.

Normally I wouldn't have an issue with not having a computer for 5 weeks, but I've been a full online student for two years now and if I don't sign in to my classes in 2 weeks I would be dropped from all of my classes. So, I would probably wait to do this until I wasn't a student anymore. I would have a HUGE issue at work, since everything except making packets for different departments, is done on the computer. Oh boy, that would be an issue. But besides these issues, I would still be able to do the challenge, with my background growing up and my limited access to internet at home.

What do you think? Would you be able to do this challenge?

Land

So yesterday I watched a program about how open, wooded land is disappearing up near St. Cloud. I guess in Stearn's County there is only about 2-3% preserved land for woods and nature to thrive. There are so many community developments it looked really bad. Who wants to live in a crammed neighborhood where you hardly have a property to have fence around. I mean there's a reason why there are suburbs and rural areas outside of the city...for more nature to be around us. For more space.

This got me thinking about my own views about owning a home. I've told many people that I want at least 5-10 acres of land. I'm not necessarily going to farm, but I would like space. I live in the suburbs of the Twin Cities Area and, even though we have 3/4 an acre of land, I still need more space. I like not seeing another house next to me. I would rather get a glimpse of a house through a forest of trees.

This show made me realize that even though I only want 10 acres of land, it's important that I buy it and not developers. I'm not saying all developers are the same, but a lot of developers see 10 acres of land and think of all the houses they can squish onto it. That does not appeal to me in any way and we need to stop this way of thinking. If we don't, we could lose the the nature that we have now.

Wondering....

So I was wondering if anyone is viewing my website, since no one is commenting. I got the bright idea to finally put a counter on the website, so now I'll know who visits. Yay for Leah!! lol

Lets hope many people visit.

Crazyness

Hello again. I've been away for a while and I'm finally getting back to writing here... I've been so crazy busy with work...The 19th was the beginning of our quarter at work (I work at a college), the first day of my online classes, and the first night of assisting with a class...let's just say that was the craziest, most evil day. But it's gotten better.

This last Monday was my first night teaching part of the class I was assisting with. We had technical difficulties, but overall it went well.

I'm so glad that this week is almost over...I need to get more sleep over the weekend. Lol.

That's the update for now. I'll write some more later.

Bye!


P.S--I had to repost this, due to evil cellphone issues. When I texted this entry in, it posted 4 different posts, cutting up this one into 4 different sections....Argh... Next time I'll go online.

Quote

Here is another quote that I recently found and that I like.

I might not be the most beautiful, or the sexiest, nor do I have the perfect body. I might not be someone's 1st choice, but I'm a GOOD choice. I don't pretend to be someone I'm not. I might not be proud of some of the things I've done in the past but I'm proud of who I am today! I am who I am. Take me as I am, or watch... me as I walk away....

Recent Events

I haven't been on in a couple days, but here are the updates...

Wednesday I attended a Wellness Seminar for my company and we have started a Step Program. This is where we record how many steps we take a day and how much exercise we do each day. So far I thought I was doing well, but I missed the goal of 50,000 steps a week by only a little over 5,000 steps. Kind of disappointing, but I'm going to try and reach and pass that goal this week. Tonight I'm planning to go walking.

Thursday I graduated from college (again) with my Bachelors Degree in Health Care Management!!! Yay!!! It's my 2nd degree and I'm going to continue on with a Post-Baccalaureate Certificate in Paralegal (this is between a Bachelors and a Masters). I'm excited and a little nervous. This is a whole new program. But hopefully this will help me in the future with job searches, so I'm not limited to managing a medical office.

This last weekend was good. I had a relaxing time, with no homework to worry about. Just think that I don't have to do homework for three weeks!!! Plus I get out early from work. I'm loving it.

Monday and Today have gone well. Have to get used to this new work schedule. I'm not usually here so early. But I think I'll be ok soon.
I'm so excited for tomorrow, Thursday, and the weekend. Tomorrow is new training at work and I get to see the Eclipse movie after work!!! Thursday I get the day off and I'm going with my pal to the Tool Concert!! :-D This weekend I shall relax. I have to work Saturday, but it's only 5 hours. Then on Monday, which we get off of work, my mom and I are going on a day trip to Red Wing, MN. I'm looking forward to it.

Wonders..

One wonders, that when you start a blog on this website, if people actually read your blog. You post it here and there on other websites, hoping just one person will read it and get some understanding of your views on life and the world. But of course, no one comments...but I'm not truly mad or upset at that. I'm just happy if someone reads these. Although, I would love a comment now and then. :-)

Now do we bloggers start our blogs to get our views out there on the Net, do it to shock people with our views, or just do it as a journal that is not really personal but we do it cause we don't want to write, we'd rather type? Regardless of our reasons, I believe blogs are a great way to give yourself a voice in the sea of people. Also, it gives the shy, reserved people a way to let their views out, when usually they keep quiet.

Now, on to myself.. I think I'll make another blog, which will be dedicated to my poetry and artwork. I think this will give people the opportunity to see a side of me they don't know about. I think it will be great and fun.

Too open about our feelings?

Tonight I heard on WCCO News that people had posted something online about the recent death of the airplane mechanic. They had said that they were glad he died because he was doing a job that they had lost in 2005.

How can they say that? I mean this man has a 12-year-old son, who is now an orphan, because 2 years ago his mom died of cancer. As a reporter said, if you said that in person, could you say that to that 12-year-old orphan?

Which brings me to my title..Are we too open about our feelings online? Is it because we feel a certain type of freedom and empowerment that we think we can say anything we want without backlash or guilt of saying it?

I may voice my opinions online and more specifically on this blog, but I know that there are certain things you DO NOT say. I'm just amazed at these posters and I shake my head at them. You should be ashamed.

Excited...

I'm so excited that my cousins are having kids. Even though they're my cousins, I kind of consider myself as Auntie Leah for these little ones, since I'm an only child. I'm so, so excited. lol. I can't wait to babysit them, to play with them, to give them toys and see their excitement at their birthday, Easter, and Christmas. I just love kids in general, lol.

Thoughts......

Have you ever worried so much that you think of the worst thing that can happen? Have you worried so much that you make yourself sick?

I used to get sick with worry about people and what they thought about me, but luckily that's changed. But I still think about the worst things that could happen. I believe this is my way to deal with things before they happen, if they happen in the ways I think about. I hope that makes sense.

For example, I would think...what would happen if I got into a car accident during a stormy night in the winter? I would think about what I would do and what may happen. Then I use this to prepare better for the winter, making sure I have supplies in case it does happen.
Or I think of a situation that would be very traumatic, like an accident or a death. Then I go over how I believe I would act. So when the situation inevitably does happen, I'll be able to cope better through those feelings.

Just a thought on my mind...

Day One...

So here I am again, starting another blog. Hopefully this one will keep going. :-)

Let's start with last Friday (June 11, 2010) and go from there. Now, for a little while, I've wanted to treat myself to a gaming system. Friday, I decided to buy and Xbox 360 Elite. So I went on the Best Buy App, for my iPhone, and the first time I tried to purchase it, there was an error. The App kicked me back to the checkout and I redid the purchase, which went through. Well, when I looked at my bank account, my checking and savings accounts were at $0.00 and my credit card was charged. It looks like I bought 2 Xboxs, instead of 1. Since I have overdraft protection, the bank took the money from my savings and credit card to make up the purchase price.

So that incident led to calling the bank and filing a claim, calling Best Buy (who luckily canceled the 2nd purchase), and caused me to almost have a heart attack. Now I'm just waiting for the charges to go through. Then I'll need to contact the bank, so they can put the money back in the right accounts....what a mess...


Due to this situation, I pretty much had no money all weekend. Our food was getting low (I live with my parents), and the parents were also low on cash. Pretty much we were almost starving yesterday (Monday, June 14). Now I'm not very religious, but yesterday I believe that I had help from God. I was so hungry, I hardly had a breakfast, no lunch, and I only had a TV dinner to look forward to at work and some wheat thins. But I believe God helped me out. If it weren't for the miracle of finding some food at work, I wouldn't have made it through the night. All I have to say is Thank You God.
But at the end of the night, I had another problem....my student loan company called and left me a message that my student loan had gone into repayment, even though I'm going back for another degree after I graduate in a week...I had sent a form to them, but evidently they didn't get it...so today (Tuesday) I had to fill out and fax another form. Let's hope they received it.

As for today, since I got paid, now I spent lots of money on groceries. So now I have so much food that I'm stuffing myself and getting a tummy ache. Oh well, I'm just happy I have food right now. Especially, since it's Law Day at work, we get free sundaes... yum....

For now, everything is going good. I just hope I don't have anything else happen this week.